You can't motorboat a personality
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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