I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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