Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
