dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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