I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
