just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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