I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
