I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
