the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
