I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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