Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
