worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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