I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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