Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
