You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
