her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
