ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
