white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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