Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
