Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
