I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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