It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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