Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
