this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
