the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
