R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
