haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
