one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
