Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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