dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
