No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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