So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
youre lurking in front of me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
