just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
is it fun? or sober?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
