every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
