im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
