if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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