when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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