He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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