Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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