he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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