After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
