Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
