i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
