He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
pray to the hookup gods
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
