i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
