i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
