my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
