If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
