he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
