I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
